debates on religion will probably never end, but let’s focus on my gripes for a while. because i’m worth it. haha.
anyway, there are a ton of ideas i don’t like about christianity. the original sin, for instance. marriage laws, church-going, prejudice against women and homosexuals, the afterlife that is an eternity of praising god (i’d be really bored after a while) and that animals were made for mankind to eat.
a disproportionately large amount of the attacks on religion focus on christianity, mainly because the western world still near-monopolizes the popular media and the net. but it isn’t the only religion vying for my apparently misguided and currently hell-bound soul. let’s look at buddhism/taoism. i write it this way cos over here, there’s so much syncretism going on and i don’t wanna split hairs in a frivolous blogpost.
so what don’t i like about it? mainly, the concept of karma. it’s a pretty good idea, really. it allows people to accept things as they are, become super zen about fortunes and tragedies both. you could win the lottery and go, oh, i must have done something good in a past life so this is but a ripening of the seed into a fruit. or your house could burn down and you’d feel sad but ultimately you’d think, you must have bulldozed someone else’s house or smoked hornets out of their nest in a past life. it’s a great coping mechanism and powerful stabilizer for the social order. but that’s exactly the problem too. it’s way too powerful. thinking this way, you wouldn’t really want to improve things. you wouldn’t fight for your rights cos’ it’s your karma. even when you can, even when a case can be made, you wouldn’t be angry/bitter/enthusiastic enough to take up the cudgel. negative emotions aren’t always bad too.
so, i propose a new religion! we shall call it ascloseasyoucangettoasensiblereligionism. yup. great name. people who adhere to it will be called ascloseasyoucangettoasensiblereligionians. or ascloseasyoucangettoasensiblereligionites. it’ll take the good stuff from all the religions and leave out the things that i don’t like.
for instance. karma’s bad, right? but it’s also good cos’ it helps people cope damn well. so let’s modify it with a little christian thought. this thought is already present in the idea of karma, specifically in the idea of merit-making, but it is seldom ever highlighted because everybody prefers emoting over karma, so taking from christianity would highlight it and bring balance to the dark side of the force, as it were. this little concept is service to god. doing good things, goodwill to all men. importantly, like merit-making, this concept has an eye to the future. that is, an eye on the rewards in heaven. in this case, if your house burns down or your river gets polluted by a chemical company, instead of just sitting around lamenting your karmic fate, you would think of your kids and their kids and the earth and how if you fight for them and get some merit you’d enjoy a super cool next life. so you’d rile up your fellows, take the corporates to court and earn a hollywood movie deal in the process if you happen to live in america.
of course, in ascloseasyoucangettoasensiblereligionism, there is no god. that means you don’t have to spend one whole eternity praising him. instead, you have a transdimensional travel agency. once you’ve got enough merit, you can choose to go anywhere! just pick a realm. fancy a day as a mayfly? they only live for sex. don’t worry, you’d be reborn in a place without frogs and dragonflies and other predators. how about a stint as a deep sea colossal krakensquid? you could have pirates for lunch. mmm… crunchy bones… or a scaly intergalaxial alien like those prawns in district 9? you could be anything you want!
i’ve got stuff to say about the other religions too. like about praying five times a day. my goodness. i could never do that. too lazy. man, if i really did become religious, i would go to hell anyway for not bothering with the rules. and blaspheming. definitely that. i probably have a rap sheet this long if the divine exist. hmm… that’s not very long. but y’know, the gods seem so petty. they’re like vindictive administrators. they’ll totally “lose” your application forms cos they don’t like you.
